Good Morning, #Baltimore

Screen Shot 2015-04-28 at 1.00.03 PM My middle child sings this little bit from Hairspray every time we go to Charm City---our most recent visit was just three days ago. Our family knows Baltimore primarily as tourists and day-trippers, and I've visited there in a professional capacity many times. So while it's not our city, and there's a lot of it we've never seen, we have a lot of affection for it.

I don't make a habit of commenting on current events as they're unfolding. I always feel other people say things so much better than I could. But my next planned post was going to be a muffin recipe, and... no. Just no.

Hugh Hollowell wisely advised well-intentioned people (especially white people) who don't know what to say to amplify the words of others, especially people of color. So I'm going to amplify the words of Derrick Weston, whose post deserves to be read widely---and judging from Facebook shares, it is:

Violence is what happens when grief has nowhere else to go and black Baltimore is tired of grieving its young men. That is not a justification for violence. At my core, I believe that violence is the ultimate dehumanizing act and yet when individuals and communities have been on the receiving ends of all sorts of violence – physical violence, economic violence, racial violence, psychological violence – those individuals and communities assert their own humanity by declaring they will no longer be trampled. That is what you are seeing in the streets of Baltimore tonight.

I hear his anger and weariness, but also his wisdom in trying to see the big picture. (Read it all.) I often want to ask him what I want to ask LGBT friends who respond graciously to people who hurl the most hateful language at them:

Do you ever get weary of being the bigger person? 

And yet, they are embodying the change they wish to see. I'm thankful for that.

Anyway. If you only have time for one post, stop reading mine immediately and read Derrick's.

But if you have time for the disjointed thoughts of a white woman 75 minutes south of Baltimore, here goes.

I'm thinking a lot about language. I'm remembering Hurricane Katrina, when a photo of black individuals taking things from an abandoned store was captioned with the word "looting" and a similar photo of white people doing the same thing was captioned "taking." I'm thinking of the many examples of wanton destruction that take place when one sports team beats another one that get framed in completely different ways than what happened in Baltimore yesterday. (See Black People Riot Over Injustice; White People Riot Over Pumpkins and Football.)

I'm thinking about use of the word "thugs." Robert told me some stories just the other day about the most disgusting sexism at the highest levels of Silicon Valley. When women would complain, HR would respond "He's the CEO, he can do what he wants."  Thanks in part to the culture these executives created, the number of women in high tech is lower than it was just a few years ago. These men operate without any regard for decency, or in many cases the rule of law.

They are thugs.

When we use that term for some people and not for others, it says something about us.

In college at Rice there was a sociology professor, Chad Gordon (may he rest in peace), who taught a popular series of classes that got nicknamed "_________ with Chad." My husband took TV with Chad, for example. There was also Death with Chad. (Of course the most popular was Sex with Chad.)

He also taught a class on the psychology and sociology of group dynamics, nicknamed Crowds with Chad. I wish I'd taken that class. Perhaps it would help me understand the dynamics of this situation. Protests have gone on for days and have been overwhelmingly peaceful, with police seeking to contain the crowd rather than subdue it. And yet even that peaceful atmosphere could not neutralize a smaller group of primarily young people intent on violence yesterday.

A Crowds with Chad class might help me understand the crowds on the Internet, where people feel free to call people "animals" and say "run 'em over." It's a mob mentality out there. I've seen it said so many times since #BlackLivesMatter began that if people would just follow police instructions, they'd still be alive today. Since when is resisting arrest or running away from police a capital crime?

A Facebook friend, a Presbyterian church elder in Tennessee, posted the following on Facebook:

#FreddieGray matters.

America, your double standards are showing. This land was looted & its inhabitants murdered or displaced. We have consistently used lethal force to achieve political ends from the onset. Violence is & has been the American way. I am all about the #Peace, but if the youth of Baltimore stop rioting & practice nonviolence as self-defense instead of looting, they would be way more ethical & revolutionary than every role model they have in this messed-up world.

He took it down within hours because the vitriol got completely out of hand. I happen to agree with the sentiment, but even if I didn't---how does bullying someone into silence on Facebook help anything?

I've also been thinking a lot about the two-part series This American Life produced called Cops See It Differently. Please listen to it. It's an important two hours of audio. It will open your eyes to the many good law-enforcement officers who take their duty seriously to protect and to serve, and the difficult position so many of them are in. (Guess what? Pretty much everybody would rather be taken to the hospital than to jail. Wouldn't you? Unfortunately that means it's very difficult to discern which detainees truly "can't breathe.")

The show may also leave you feeling very, very discouraged. It did me. The bridge we still need to cross in order to reach one another, or even just understand one another, is just so long... and riddled with bodies, both physical and metaphorical.

By the way, many people have claimed that the police problem is a matter of a "few bad apples." I hope they are extending the same courtesy of nuance to protesters in Baltimore, most of whom were peaceful, and many of whom are taking the day off to clean up the mess someone else made. They do this because they love their city and want to do their part.

How are we, how am I, being the change we wish to see?