I'm a sucker for the movie It's a Wonderful Life. So many iconic scenes, but probably my favorite is one that goes by in an instant. I love it because I can relate to it so strongly. George Bailey lives with his family in a big drafty house that's got its share of quirks. And because George is an Order Muppet (as opposed to a Chaos Muppet), these quirks cause him no end of frustration and angst. The scene I love is when he goes to walk upstairs but the bannister knob comes off in his hand:
The picture doesn't do it justice, but George looks at that knob, and you can see on his face that the knob isn't just a knob. It represents everything that is messy and slapdash about his life. It is a symbol of the utter pandemonium he lives with, as a father of four who doesn't make quite enough money to feel secure, and who feels the weight of the family business and indeed the whole community on his shoulders. How can I save the Building & Loan when I can't even get this stupid home repair done??
A bannister knob represents all that? Yes, because Jimmy Stewart is a great actor and he makes that three-second scene work.
And because I'm an Order Muppet too and I have worn that look.
The house we inhabit is in pretty good shape--lots of pending and possible projects, as always, but basically fine. Still, the disorder takes over sometimes, usually when I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed. That's when the pile of unfolded clothes becomes The Pile of Unfolded Clothes: a visual reminder of life's tendency toward a chaos that will never be tamed.
My most acute source of angst has been the water/ice dispenser on our fridge. It's one of those single-spout things in which you must press the button indicating what you want, water or ice. 90% of the time, one wants water from the dispenser, which in my mind means you should flip it back to water after you've dispensed ice. To me it's the equivalent of putting the seat down on the toilet. Restore it to its default position.
The people in my house are either agnostic on this point, or they agree with me. But they do not do it, or perhaps not consistently. So I've been battling my family over this irritation since we moved into this house. Just switch it back to water! I say, ice all over the floor because the cubes don't fit in the narrow top of the water bottle I'm trying to fill. With water.
I tell you this, not because I'm right and the family is wrong and I want to enlist you on my side. But to confess to you that I have carried around frustration over this issue since August of 2015.
Think about that. This has been a source of annoyance and griping for almost two years. And at some point it ceases to be my family's problem. It's my problem.
Or it was, until I remembered a section of the improv book I wrote (yes, I am audience member #1 for my books). It's about the serenity prayer:
In addition to being a vital mantra in twelve-step programs, I've decided that the serenity prayer is also the prayer of the improviser. To me it's the essence of yes-and: What can we change? What can we not change? OK, now what?
For some bizarre reason, my constant nagging has failed to alter behavior. (What?!? But it seemed so foolproof!) So now I'm working on reframing, like George Bailey does at the end of the movie, when he's had his epiphany and he goes bounding up the stairs, but pauses to kiss that damn bannister knob. Because now it represents home and family and messy reality that he wouldn't trade for the world.
Now when I go to get some water and I hear that familiar grinding of the ice machine, I think about the smoothies Robert makes in the morning, full of protein powder and fruit and kale (KALE?!?), and how they give him energy to work out and thrive at work and be present for our family. And I think about my kids, and how they drink ice water without complaint, despite probably preferring us to stock a bunch of soft drinks. I think particularly about my nine-year-old son, who comes home from school, gets himself some graham crackers and a string cheese, fills a big glass with cubes of ice, and proceeds to suck on them while he reads, his legs tucked underneath him on the couch.
I would say this reframing is successful 42.7% of the time. But it's a start. And major progress for this recovering Order Muppet.