I'm back. What a vacation it was. And what a week to be on vacation... and not preaching.
I don't feel a need to comment at length on the events of last week. Many have already done so, and done it better than I could. But I did want to share two links that, taken together this morning, gave me a bit of hope and perspective.
The first is a study suggesting that we're happier when we chat with strangers, e.g. on public transportation:
The investigation began with rail and bus commuters travelling into Chicago. Dozens of them were recruited into one of three conditions - to engage in conversation with a stranger on the train, sit in solitude, or simply behave as they usually would. Afterwards they mailed back a questionnaire in which they answered questions about the experience.
The returned questionnaires showed it was those commuters who were instructed to strike up conversation with a stranger who'd had the most positive experiences (sitting in solitude was the least enjoyable, with behaving as normal scoring in between).
We tend to avoid conversation because we think the other person won't want to engage---but the research showed that was not the case: "[Study participants] predicted that over 50 per cent of strangers would likely rebuff their attempts to talk - in fact, this didn't occur for any of the participants who were instructed to chat to stranger in the earlier studies."
I'm pretty introverted in public spaces. And it's taken some time to feel OK with that. I'm a mother of three and a pastor---I engage with people a lot; I don't need to do it everywhere. Still, I sometimes challenge myself to strike up a short conversation with a stranger, and it always feels good to do so.
We are made to connect.
The second link is this video from The Dish, called Suicide Breeds Suicide. Jennifer Michael Hecht, who wrote the book Stay: A History of Suicide and Philosophies Against It, addresses the issue of "copycat behavior" following a suicide. For example, she reports that young people whose parents commit suicide can be three times as likely to attempt suicide as a result.
I don't like the phrase, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Robin Williams suffered from a life-long illness. His struggle, while it seemed to wax and wane at various times, was as permanent a condition as he could possibly imagine. Still, there are folks out there who believe that the world will be better off without them in it. That's demonstrably false, according to the research about suicide contagion.
Hecht puts it like this: "If you don't kill yourself, you are saving someone's life. ...I don't want to dwell on the guilt of what you do if you harm yourself, I want to dwell on the wonder of how much you meant to people you don't even know. ...The one thing we need to add to that is gratitude, and I don't mind starting it: I'm grateful. You're my hero. Thank you for not killing yourself."
One of Andrew Sullivan's readers, who had experienced suicidal feelings, responded to the video:
When I was at my lowest ebb, I definitely knew that if I ended my life I would hurt others around me – my family, my friends. But in the two or so years I struggled with those feelings, I can tell you it never once occurred to me that killing myself might lead someone else to end their life. Such a thought would have been abhorrent to me, and I couldn’t help wondering after I watched Hecht’s video whether suicide prevention counsellors make that point to those at risk of harming themselves. I think if they did, some of those people would step back from the brink. It’s one thing to hurt yourself and rationalize that your pain is greater than the pain you’ll cause others through your death; it’s quite another to think you might be compelling some of those who knew you to step into that abyss themselves.
Watch the whole thing here---it's short:
We are made to connect.
And we are made connected. There's no avoiding it.