Words Matter

One of my favorite of the Sabbath Supplemental videos is this, our version of a fast-draw video: https://vimeo.com/74475982

What does the word "busy" stir up in you?

This was a discussion on Facebook recently. As the video indicates, I know a lot of people who use it as a means of besting one another and asserting their importance. Others pushed back and said, "Eh, not always." Sometimes people are just... busy. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

I've tried to stop using the word. It's become the "I'm fine" in verbal communication. Maybe it greases the conversational wheels, but it's boring and content-free.

Another phrase snuck up on me this weekend. Someone asked me to do something and I said I couldn't because I was "tied up." Now there's an evocative expression!

Sometimes, of course, our days are not our own---our schedules are at the mercy of family needs, work expectations, and the like. In that sense, the term "tied up" makes sense... though it sets other people up as our adversaries, which maybe isn't healthy.

But in my case, I was engaging in activities I'd freely chosen. And I used the term to try and cover the fact that I was choosing not to drop everything and go help the person. "Tied up" meant "I would help you, but dangit, there's this other thing holding me captive!"

Pastors and folks in other helping professions are counseled to schedule time to recharge, and to protect that time. If people want to meet with you then, simply say you have a commitment---they don't need to know that it's for the massage therapist or to sneak off to an afternoon Nats game because you've had three funerals in the last two weeks. I agree with this in principle. Especially if it's a pastoral need: there's something callous about saying to a grieving family, "I can meet with you tomorrow but not today---mani/pedi time!"

At the same time, the more we keep self-care to ourselves, the more we give the impression that we don't need such activities, and those who do are somehow weaker or less dedicated.

Yes, there are times that my life is not my own. That comes with the territory of loving your neighbor. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I'm not sure I'm on board with "tied up." I'd rather take responsibility for my own self-care, and strive for transparency with how I use my time.

What do you think?

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